It may not have been a competition, but the final of The Island with Bear Grylls had one clear winner – the women.
The gang have suffered many setbacks over their month-long spell on the island, including infected lacerations, semi-starvation, fatigue and cliff-top falls.
And the entire last episode was pretty much just one big moan – mostly from the men.
The men rested at the camp in various states of collapse, immobilised by funny turns and feeling faint.
Meanwhile the providers of the group, the women, set off to hunt, returning with buckets of crustaceans and juicy limes.
The 200-calorie meal of snails and limpets was hastily devoured with a hefty side of snark as Bear Grylls pronounced it “nowhere near enough to halt the men’s physical decline”.
The dire situation forced Simon to announce: “I don’t know how much longer I can last doing this, I’m at a loss”, before adding gloomily: “I’m the worst Robinson Crusoe in history, I think.”
Lucky it’s the final then, eh Simon.
Thankfully an alligator turned up which meant the men could stop moaning and revel in their manliness.
There was a lot of violent thrashing about. The alligator barely blinked.
Not that it convinced anyone.
So long, islanders. Until next time…
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