Family

Ready to go all the way?

11:05am Wednesday 2nd December 2009 content supplied by

Sometimes it seems as if everyone is having sex all the time. People are talking about it, so they must be doing it, right? Not really.

Scroll down to watch a video on condom negotiation skills

Most people have sex for the first time when they're 16, not before. If someone’s boasting about having sex, it’s possible they’re making it up.

It's important to remember that you choose if you want to have sex EVERY time and just because you've had it before doesn’t mean you have to do it again if you don't want to. So, whether you're thinking about losing your virginity or having sex again, bear these tips in mind:

Talk about it

It’s better to have an embarrassing talk about sex than an embarrassing sexual encounter before you’re ready. There are many things to think and talk about; such as are you both ready? Will you be having sex for the right reasons and not because of peer pressure?

The R U Thinking website has great advice for boys and girls and runs through the things you should be considering. See Useful links. Sex isn’t the be-all and end-all in a relationship. There are other ways of enjoying one another’s company. Discuss what you want, and don’t want to do.

When you do go all the way there is the risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or getting pregnant so having a discussion about contraception is vitally important too, and both of you have a responsibility to consider it.

You need to use condoms to reduce the risk of catching an STI and an additional form of contraception to prevent an unintended pregnancy. There are lots of different kinds of contraception including the implant, coil or the pill.

Starting a conversation about the different types could be a really good gateway to talking about the other issues around having sex for the first time. And researching the options together will help you both feel more confident and in control of the situation when the time comes.

The sexual health section of this website runs through each type of contraception in detail. See Useful links. The fpa website is an excellent resource too and provides advice on all aspects of sexual health. It also has leaflets specifically for young people. See Useful links. Do your research to find out which is the best for you but remember to always use a condom too.

You can get free and confidential advice about sex, contraception and abortion at anytime. Visit your local doctor or young person's clinic to find out more. Confidentiality is always assured within strict guidelines.

Read the signs

Many people are surprised when a situation leads to sex, so learn to read the signs. If they suggest you find a quiet place, get a bit more touchy-feely or suddenly turn on the charm and flattery, they might be thinking about sex, even if you’re not.

You need to make up your mind whether you want to have sex. Don’t let someone else decide for you by just going along with it. Make the decision in advance and stay in control of the situation, especially if you've had alcohol as then you'll be less inhibited. If you’re feeling unsure about your ability to stay in control, avoid scenarios that could lead to sex.

Alcohol won't help

Many people have sex or lose their virginity when they’re drunk. After drinking alcohol, you're more likely to lose your judgement about how you want to behave, and may do things you wouldn't do normally. But your actions will come back to you in the morning and you can’t undo what you’ve done.

People are also more likely to have sex without a condom when they're drunk and that can lead to you getting a sexually transmitted infection or unintended pregnancy.